je_levy: (ロバまる)
Title: Living Canvas
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Maruda (Ueda/Nakamaru)
Warnings: romance (omgah like srs), ‘body paint’ per se, and sex
Summary: Maru, Ueda’s now discovered, is a canvas of lines and grooves on which he only itches to make deep impressions.


A/N- This was inspired by a really interesting conversation I had with [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande after she wrote Koki tattooing Ueda and then there was this constant, unending enabling of my Maruda feels these past weeks. I absolutely had to get this out before the thoughts went away. This is the result of having not written Maruda since last year. Dedicated to the fiercest, finest hbic of them all, [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande. <3<3<3<3





More indelible than ink )
je_levy: (Facepalm)


I feel totally like Michael Bolton in this song




but I finally registered on pixiv yesterday and [livejournal.com profile] ayame_hadouken and I spent most of sunday afternoon scrolling through pages and pages of gorgeousness on the koki tag alone. I mean, seriously, have you seen the amazingness on that site?

Sorry, I am always so stunned and gasp-flaily over fan-artists because they're able to make the images in my head visible for sharing. And they all have such interesting stylistics and concepts in mine. I like to pick their brains and ask them about colour-choices, expressions and such because everything always seems to mean something for me, as Seki will grudgingly attest :'D

And then there's my fanart, which usually dwindles into something like this




[note: I drew this months ago when I was brainstorming up the concept of this year's [livejournal.com profile] fic_the_faith and I was explaining to [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan all about it. Yes, this is exactly how I pictured that scene in my head <.<]


Collarbones up in this plot )
je_levy: (秘密~)
Title: To-Do List
Rating: NC-17
Warning(s): lists, KAT-TUN member-coolness, Ueda being pimp, implied foursome, Kame working so hard, sex
Pairing: Junno/list names, Junno/Koki, so many other things implied
Summary: Taguchi keeps a list of names. The first thing to do is to make sure it’s not a vendetta roster. The second is to find out if you’re even on it. Not that you care or anything…

A/N: This was totally for fun and totally just to satisfy a particularly excellent plot bunny. I had the best ouendan crew consisting of [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan screaming, betaing and sometimes just being throwing flowers of ganbare at me (Don't ask). And one very encouraging and especially excellent [livejournal.com profile] ayame_hadouken tossing in a heart of "go for it" this past week. Thank you both <3<3<3



"If I wear layers of coats, then it'll be harder for him to covet my body" )

*asterisk by koyama means it may be more than once and that Taguchi doesn't really have a choice in the matter
je_levy: (Thug Lovin')



Blame for why this is happening goes to [livejournal.com profile] snoozing_kitten for first posting and [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande for first goading. So while I resume with ten genres, let's all have fun with this.

So here's how it will work when you do this too! :D!


- Post a list of your five favorite acts/kinks to read about. At the bottom, add what fandoms/pairings you're interested in.
- Read other people's lists here <- there is no JE here yet >:O
- Post comment-fic based off of other people's interests.
-CUE GENERAL RECIPROCITY


FIVE ACTS

1.  Clinical Insanity (obsessions, neuroses, OCD gone wrong, psychosis, paranoia, hearing voices, mostly yandere ) 

2. Logic stops working. Something unimaginable happens or someone acquires magical or super powers that defy reason (and uses them unintentionally or intentionally 0o0 on the object of his affection/lust). 

3. Control, D/s using manipulative means, possessiveness, tying up, subtle brainwashing, teasing and denial, punishing disobedience

4.  Sex that's playful, rough enough to be shocking 0o0, almost painful, power play, flexibility, wrestling for top, filthy talk, desperate and messy, and sudden

5. Adorableness. Affection without words. Strange liking, unconventional desire or love (i.e F****CK! I love/want him/her so god damn much that I hate it! lol)


Fandoms

JE -  Junno/Maru, Jin/Maru, Ueda/Maru, Junno/Koki, Junno/Ryo, Junno/Jin, Junno/Koyama, NTT, NTT/Koyama, KAT-TUN/Koyama, Koyama/Maru, Ueda/Kame, Koyama/Koki (aww koyoki >.<), Ueda/Koki, Jin/Koki,  Nakamaru/Koki, Yoko/Junno, Yoko/Maru, Nakamassu, Pin, Sho/Maru, Matsujun/Jin, Aiba/Ueda ahh I totally feel like I forgot someone :s Oh well, let's work with these

Jdramas- Sushi Oji! Tsukasa/Kawatarou, Sushi Oji  X-overs: Kawatarou/ anyone from Johnny's, Inu Wo Kau To Iu Koto X-overs: Dr. Hotta/Sonoda Shinobu (Maru in Hancho), Dr. Hotta/Koki, Dr. Hotta/ Kobayashi Akira (Koki in Rikon syndrome), Dr. Hotta/Maru, Yamato Nadeshiko! x-overs: Kyouhei/Nakamaru, Kyouhei/Kawatarou (>.>), Takenaga/Dr.Hotta  Yukan Club: Miroku/Kawatarou, Miroku/Nakamaru ok that's enough; I'm seriously beginning to wonder what deep dark place these are coming from :'D

J-actors/actresses- (any of these people with Nakamaru would be such a fine thing) Narimiya Hiroki, Kuroki Meisa (with any of KAT-TUN), Yamamoto Yuusuke, Komine Rena (primarily with Junno), Shirota Yuu, Matsuyama Keni'ichi,

Misfits - anything goes. I'm partial to Nathan pairings though. Nathan and anything x-fandom would make my everything.

 
So, you, fair f-lister, you. Go now to make your own post and we can share sparkle sideways, backwards and frontwards


Other Posts of the Like
♪ Snoozing_Kitten
♪ Ryogrande
♪ Ayame_hadouken
♪ Yue_Akuma
♪ tatoeba
♪ Elizajet
♪ maiamcw
♪ wintersdancer
♪ randomicicle
♪ gina84

Acts I've Committed

♠ Three Way Dial Up  (NTT phonesex) ♠
♠ Junno's World Order (Junno/Koyama pain & powerplay) ♠
♠ Just Follow Your Nose~! (Jin/Anonymaru club sex) ♠
♠  Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear (Kameda insanity) ♠


je_levy: (*incoherence reasons*)
LET'S GIVE MARU SOME FIC



Its still his birthday in my book, so...

Give me ANY Maru pairing and I will write one sentence of TEN genres for them. The genres are:

1. Angst
2. AU
3. Crack
4. Future fic
5. First Time
6. Fluff
7. Humor  Badfic Parody
8. Hurt/Comfort
9. Smut
10. UST (Unresolved Sexual Tension)


Now when I say Maru pairings, I mean any and every Maru pairings. I will write them and I'm especially looking forward to creativity and even the ones we're used to. So even if you want to request something random like Sho/Maru (*cough* [livejournal.com profile] chainsawpants *hack*) or a relevant threesome like NTT (*wheezes* [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan *dies*) I will write it and happily!!


♥ 10 Genre Sentences So Far ♥

1.    Maruda requested by [livejournal.com profile] luna_truths
2.    Sho/Maru requested by [livejournal.com profile] chainsawpants
3.    NTT requested by [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan
4.    Nakanishi requested by [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande
5.    Ru/Kazu (Johnny Rocker-verse) requested by [livejournal.com profile] randomicicle
6.    Tom Riddle/Maru requested by [livejournal.com profile] chainsawpants
7.    NakaMa requested by [livejournal.com profile] chuckles0505
8 .   Nakamaru/pudding requested by [livejournal.com profile] elizajet
9.    Tagumaru requested by [livejournal.com profile] encoded_panties
10.  Nakame requested by [livejournal.com profile] bellemelody
11.  NakaNaka requested by [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan

je_levy: (Cake&Dynamite!!!)
Title: Bet Your Damn Pants Off
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Maruda (Nakamaru/Ueda)
Warning (s): sex in a semi-public place, THOSE PANTS, Ueda’s mind, and a general appearance
Summary: Ueda wins a bet and wants Nakamaru in his pants… literally.


A/N: Written especially for my dearest [livejournal.com profile] parasol_odori initially for this so very excellent prompt. There was also her putting this before my eyes *____*

Katze, I have such warm feelings for you, and believe me when I say if I caught Maru in a net, I’d offer him to you first because I wake up each day looking forward to your recent tweet revelations on Maru’s sexiness. Your helpless and indecent love for Nakamaru has always made me feel adamant that Maru fans are really such very fine company. I’m rooting for you on your thesis work and all the other tribulations you conquer so boss-like. You're still my partner in relevance <3


Secondly, guess whose birthday is coming! Yes, The General has existed for twenty-eight years now. We must do something about this, mustn’t we? *makes dubious motions that imply great and SEKRIT planning*

Thirdly, I haven’t a clue how the scheduled usage of the NHK theatre works. Lol let’s just try not to think about it >.>

Finally, my beta, cheerleader and muse; you know who you are. You’re perfect and I love you.





Ueda wanted so much to jump him to the point of hatred )
je_levy: (Be mine)


Title: Real Facial
Pairing(s): KAT-TUN/Kame + Kuroki Meisa, Yamapi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: explicit gay/het sex, threesomes, recreational narcotics, snowballing, facials, group sex, gang bang, bukkake
Summary: Five times Kame gets it in the face, and one time he gets five at once.

A/N: This was originally written for the [livejournal.com profile] je_devilorangel challenge by  [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande and I.

I think we wanted to write something revolving entirely around Kame's face and his birthday passed us by without warning when we were both very busy. The delightful premise was the result from the exquisite and ingenius mind of Ri herself.

It was a shamelessly fun journey we took just to write all six scenes of this. She wrote two and I wrote two and then we wrote two together. (Can you tell which is which?)

I just want to say that writing with [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande was a thrilling experience. Our processes were quite similar and somehow (due to wavelength sharing) we blended with a great deal of ease. Our only hurdle may have been positioning during one certain orgy scene at the end to which where I used my classy art abilities to construct this

It's colour-coded <3
 
So without further ado...

 (Real Facial<== link to Ri's website for the full thing.
je_levy: (Cake&Dynamite!!!)
Image hosting by IMGBoot.com


Ah, this is not a strictly Maruda-related holiday, but it is in favour of what we can consider June 9 which is also read 06/09 and if we're on the same sexy page here, then that shouldn't require much explanation.

Anyway, in celebration over at [livejournal.com profile] inkroulette at This Entry

There was much enthusiastiam over celebrating via reading teh Pr0n in different languages (thereby making it international) to which where I knew that my own deplorable sense for second languages would be made known and I would read in the language that you and I always communicate in here. However, good news befell me when I remembered (upon her suggesting that I read in French) [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande had a fan-tucking-fastic Maruda fic with French dialogue, which- imo- deemed it very appropriate to the given circumstances.

When I jumped in for this one, though, I had quite forgotten how epicly HOT this fic was and how idiotic I would sound trying to do the French justice especially when all I get is breathy and yes, that's quite all. 
Title: L'Amour in Snow by [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Cake and Fucking Dynamite LEARNING TEH FRENCH! (>.> or Maruda)
Warning: In the audio, I do stumble all Maru style a couple times but I move on like a boss because that is what some losers do and I did that because this is perhaps the eighteenth take you're getting. Also there were situations in which my seldom studied for French got a bit over the top. I wish neither to butcher the language nor this excellent fic. A fifteen minute straight flawless recording is just not within my ability. As the Guch in my head would says, "Hory Shitto. So not frawress."
Summary: Ueda helps Nakamaru study for his French test.
Link to which where you must love on this fic for being too damn sexy for my voice:  Viola~! (3rd fic down)
 On the fic itself, there are mouse-over translations of all the French dialogue. 
Link To The Levy Audio: Tune In

je_levy: (YUMMY!)
Title: LESBIANS, KAME!
Pairings/ Characters: Nakamaru Yuichi/ Ueda Tatsuya, KAT-TUN and their flamhammery.
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Sex!.. and talk of it, established relationship, romance, silliness, genre-overshadowing, and lesbians of course.
Summary: Two years and some months is a long time to be with anyone, but it doesn’t matter when you’re still going strong. Strong and so very, very without sex. And Yuichi is more attractive with each day passing.”Not cool,” Ueda thinks.
Notes: 7,550 words. Originally written for [livejournal.com profile] sashjun during this year's [livejournal.com profile] fic_the_faith originally posted here. I had so so so much fun writing this, so I hope the rest of you have fun with it too. 

If you have read this and you're still all wriggly for moar Maruda, I want to recommend this adorable fic. It made my night last night as you'll probably spot from the incoherent flail one comment in.

"Lesbians are really cool, aren't they?" )
je_levy: (WAR VETERAN)
 Warning: So the usual drill. This is only crack. All just for fun and some of this may or may not be true; it's all a matter of discernment.

Right.


THE EXTREMELY EXCELLENT AND MOSTLY CRACK POST OF THE SEXY MARU EPIC: WAR AND DRAMA


☆ Table of Contents☆:
Chapter One: The General Ideal Behind Most of It
Chapter Two: General Drama in Prose
Chapter Three: The General Has His Script and is Generally OK with an Interview

 
Chapter Four: The Nature of The General and Other Tales of Conquest

The Pleasure is Mostly His )
je_levy: (Sitting sexiness)
LET'S DO THIS CRACK-STYLE



Title: You’d Find It Considerably More Comfortable If You Removed Your Underwear… (more commonly known as “No Pan Pain”)
Rating: Would you believe me if I said this started out rather PG-13? No? …OK… NC-17
Pairing/People Present: KAT-TUN’s Nakameda featuring Jin…
Summary: General Nakamaru has finally mastered a new skill. He has all these bad-ass epic plans for invasion, but his favourite sexy Linguist, currently in Osaka, demands his presence. Complications ensue when the General’s current piece of ass gets involved. Crack in its most powdery state, dissociative personalities, General sex fiendishness, Jin concert love, tears, chubby fetishism, and for those of you who are new to this, Nakamaru’s your General. End of conversation.
Warning: I have never been to a Jin concert—one of my life’s regrets as I’ve always wanted to see what the future of American hip hop looks like.


A/N: Let it be known that I just don’t do social commentary. Emasculated Kame still makes me laugh, though, so that’ll count for something in the long run. Dedicated to special people on my tweet-list for goading me toward this as a form of ire alleviant. (Yes, I feel much better now, thanks) I need to steer clear of you guys, though, or I’ll never get anything done besides fic. D: |: … :D :B XB

All in all, I want to pin a great deal of responsibility for the rating on [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande so when you’re done and all D:-face or even if you’re completely and utterly elated just glance meaningfully at her. That’s right, glance. Also need to add, all ninja communists are to be redirected at the door to [livejournal.com profile] snoozing_kitten . She has certification in dealing with your kind.


Finally, since long, Oscar-speech style author’s notes tend to be my thing now. I want to make a public declaration of love for [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan because she lets me go all creepy lovesick stalker on her every night without even batting an eyelash. I’m keeping her and her kitten, circle bunny, and Koki pictures…so back off; get your own!



HOW DO YOU GET TO OSAKA AND BACK THAT FAST? )
je_levy: (CakenDynamite!)

CAKE & DYNAMITE!!!!>



Title: Table Spread
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: MARUUUDAAA.
Disclaimer: [insert despairing witticism about human slavery, Marulust and whatnot]
Summary: Bad depth perception, clumsiness, whatever it is, Ueda has trouble getting a mouthful. Nakamaru, stoicism included, just wants to help. In summary of the summary: General, meet your Dictator.
Warning: Drug-free, but you know how it is…:D 


A/N: For a HBIC of such hilarity, classiness, and WONDER, [livejournal.com profile] ryogrande for spoiling me rotten with incredible fic and to commemorate the day The Guch chooses to grant her that harem, for upon that fine day we shall all be writing porn and it shall be glorious! And to the ever-supportive, ever relevant to my interests, [livejournal.com profile] parasol_odori who will always play the shy, adorbs Nakamaru to my Kame- I mean Ueda.

And also to my darling [livejournal.com profile] sekky_chan  who lives perpetually in my heart for sending me cute, lovable messages at the wee hours of my night.

Finally, this is me experimenting with my version of the Maruda dynamic just to get used to writing it for very pertinent reasons. Hope you like XD

Aim a little further up. :D )
je_levy: (TNTKU)
 If you're on my twitter, (pls to be on there if you are not, f-list. There is sexy gif/picspam and raised questions of decadent vitality and talk of phallic symbolism) then you've probably seen me CAPSLOCKING about this already, but just like extra-cise, Imma take express pleasure in doing it... then DOING IT AGAIN. <==no more obscure western TV references this year, I promise.

So without the right materials of pomp and circumstance, I just want you all to feast your eyes on what I'm calling 

FAKE BREAKFAST WITH KAT-TUN BUT TEH GENERAL REQUIRES SERVICING, GDI,
SOMEONE STEP UP!- PICSPAM OF CUTE AND HOT-DAYUM GLORY IF YOU'RE INTO FOOD PR0N WHICH I KNOW U ARE SEKRITLY..BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN READING TOO MUCH SMUT, FANDOM, ICU~


or we could just put the plot in the title, amirite?


So your fantasy at best rite now....

No, it's not even the morning after anything. Shit, it's just breakfast, chill. :P

TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SWALLOW- I MEAN CHEW... )
je_levy: (Default)

So hasn't this been a very nice lengthy space in which I could learn to miss you guys? Srsly~ I got so used to posting nearly every day that the silence literally made me blanch and hyperventilate. Thank goodness for [livejournal.com profile] je_holiday or more like, it's one of the very reasons I've been so silent today though I'd intended to post this morning, but when it comes to this pretty f-list and fandom in general,  some things just CANNOT be ignored (yeah, some of these things even brought a tear to my eye. I love you KAT-TUN fandom :p)

Also, to note, there is going to be [livejournal.com profile] reel_johnny  which is a whole n'other type of glittery coolness. I'm definitely all over that. :3

So yes, in other big news, we've clearly had a look at the Best Artist appearance by our lovely crew of merry soldiers, lieutenants, and air marshals and we've all flailed endlessly somewhat at how KAT-TUN was able to represent, and I definitely fangasm'd over those delicious outfits, and many MANY things made me happy about that appearance but the thing that made me happiest was this single second:

Image hosting by IMGBoot.com
Yeah, once you're at peace with my ridiculously deviant mind, you'll understand just what makes me grin like an idiot here. Also, our General is wearing mirrors! *gasps for air* ...mirrors...to reflect his gorgeousness back at him making the soft light of beauty surrounding him...shine twice as much...

But THAT'S NOT WHY WE'RE HERE!! *points at post title, breathing heavily* That was close! I almost completely deviated from the topic at hand. We can't have that happen again...ah!

Right! This looks like a job for~!!!



 
Woody-san- no, wait.... )

ETA: LOL~ I didn't realise I'd forgotten one, and it's one of the best ones too D:


Image hosting by IMGBoot.com
je_levy: (yaoi library)
Because this image was asking for captions:

MARUDA!! )
je_levy: (ugh...arms)

Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: PG-13 (future R rating)
Pairing/Group: KAT-TUN member ai, Akame, Nakanishi, Kokame and several, several others
Summary: In desperation each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they’re all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. It’s only when it’s most painful that they begin to realise how much they need one another and how foolish they were not to see it sooner.



Chapter One Cont'd ) 

                    When Maru pushes the dressing room door open, Ueda and Kame are mid-laughter with eyes fixed on, for some reason, Taguchi who has Koki by the front of the shirt. Koki has his theatrics switched on with his eyes widened and his lips trembling. There’s only the minor, usual break in conversation that comes when Akanishi wordlessly brushes past Nakamaru to flop carelessly on the sofa opposite Ueda. Kame, straddling a chair backwards, has become an expert at pretending nothing just happened. Instead he fixes a bright-eyed grin on Nakamaru.

            “Come watch what those two are rehearsing to do before the VTR screening today,” he says, getting up to walk over. “Taguchi’s supposed to make him mad, then Koki gets attacked instead.” Kame’s thin fingers wrap warmly around his arm, and Maru is forcibly reminded of how many times, five years ago, he’d sat and listened to Kame half-sob that no one talked to him anymore, that all the Johnny’s juniors their age hated him or talked behind his back. Nakamaru also couldn’t help thinking about the day two years ago he’d found Kame in a bathroom of some bar in Ginza, practically vomiting his stomach up, hiccoughing out warm words that could only have been Jin’s. Kame kept telling Maru everything with that constant refrain, “…because I trust you.”

However much the guilt strikes him, Nakamaru had come to the understanding that Kame was just the type of person you had to hide things from. He was tender in the way that he thought he was strong, and anyone who knew Kame well could see immediately when something small had needled its way inside him. The way he’d stop eating, just completely stop like he’d forgotten that he needed to. He’d invite his juniors out to dinner, his treat, but all he’d order for himself were the daiquiris and shochu in tall glasses. Then as all his guests and admirers chatted amiably around him, he’d slowly and systematically get himself drunk.

           

            The audience’s screams are as deafening as ever as they each step upstage. Nakamaru always takes extra care to brace himself before coming out here. It’s something he’s never really been able to pinpoint, but it occurs to him often that even when he’s at the age of forty, he’ll still get stagefright. Before long, Kame begins the intro, and he can settle back into ad-lib, rehearsed insults, and timed laughter.

            Akanishi bumps shoulders with him just as the applause is dying down. Nakamaru decides not to react; he isn’t too sure just yet how effectively he can communicate with Jin on camera especially when there are still some vestiges of the other man’s taste just on the inside of his bottom lip.

            “Summer is ending, isn’t it? Any new things you’ve noticed for the coming autumn?” Kame prompts, swivelling to glance quicky at Taguchi.

            “Hai!” The tallest member raises his hand swiftly. “I’ve noticed something.”

            “Hai, Taguchi, douzo.”

            Taguchi, grin wide as ever, folds his hands in front of him and looks over at Koki. “Koki, your clothing choice recently has become cute.”

             Koki’s timing is deliberately perfect as his head whips in Taguchi’s direction, withering look in place. “Hah?” he says and Nakamaru has to bite his lip to keep from smiling. It may be rehearsed, but Maru has always been weak against Koki’s brand of humour.

            “Your clothing choice…you were going for the cute pattern. It suits you na!” Maru can never tell if it’s intentional, but Taguchi’s wearing his most annoying expression.

            Koki’s once decisively enraged expression goes blank. “Arigatou,” he mutters humbly.

            Without thinking, Nakamaru bursts out. “Eh?? You won’t get angry?” Koki never did like following the show’s script even when he himself wrote it.

            They audience erupts laughing right along with Taguchi as Kame offers a smack across the back of Koki’s head. Ueda meets Maru’s eye as he shakes with chuckles, and he can feel Akanishi tug lightly on the back of his coat. These are one of their finer moments on television, and it reminds Nakamaru all too clearly why they’re all still doing this. Painful as it has become, it is these moments that are like a salve.

 

            That night, Nakamaru goes out to eat with Ueda, but such a thing has become routine for the both of them. After all, Maru likes to end his day this way, no stress or unnecessary banter; just the distant and unobtrusive aura the other man emits when he’s eating. It is more than calming, it’s healing. When Nakamaru first met Ueda, he was under the immediate impression that he’d never quite figure him out, but within that same year it seemed Ueda’s mannerisms had become engraved in his mind. Maru would never quite know what Ueda Tatsuya was about to do next, but once he’d done it, Nakamaru found he know exactly why it had been done. Such a predictable unpredictability set Maru at ease.

 It was also easy to think around Ueda since the boy was always doing that himself, sometimes breaking off his run-on, off-topic statements with a sudden frown or an abrupt laugh.

Ueda keeps his hands on his lap as he leans over his menu until his face is mere inches from the page. He’s a twenty-six year old going on twenty-seven and still stubborn enough that he won’t wear his glasses when he needs them. “Lately I’ve realised that I don’t much like mushrooms,” he murmurs.

            Nakamaru finds this, among many other titbits of information that Ueda flings out now and then, lacking in substance. He doesn’t comment as he looks over his own menu; he feels perfectly at ease doing so until he realises that he’s being looked at. Ueda’s eyes are hard as always, and that has always been significant to Maru; the way the guy is deceptively beautiful, but startlingly strong mirrored by a strictly male mindset.

            “I was beginning a conversation,” Ueda states sternly.

            “Gomen, what was it again?”

            “What I said before isn’t necessary now since we’re already talking. I actually have something to tell you. Please listen.”

             Maru is humouring this behaviour since he’s not sure if Ueda’s joking or if he really is that neurotic. He nods.

            “First…you and I both know something, and we haven’t been talking about it; something none of us has talked about since it began.”

            It is only now that a burgeoning panic rises in Maru’s middle. He folds his menu a little fretfully, thinking quickly of ways to put this conversation off. It could mean addressing so many things, all of his thoughts, feelings, and worst of all his fears. He can feel Jin’s presence in the middle of it all, like an ugly centrepiece in the middle of a room. The taste he savours in his mouth.

            “Before I didn’t care either way…Ka-they could do whatever they like because it’s their private life, and it never got in the way of anything. But let’s be honest, the breakup will always be the thing that made KAT-TUN what we are today. We’re all…I mean, you, me, Koki, and Taguchi; we’re all getting better at this, all doing our best, but lately it’s more difficult…for me.”

            Nakamaru is aware that Ueda is getting ready to start ranting, the other boy’s hands are curled on top of his menu, white swimming under his calloused knuckles. Maru leans back and folds his arms, not quite sure how to reply.

            “We…” He pauses; the words are distant from him. “We need to keep trying. If Akanishi…their situation is complicated; it’s something we don’t understand because we’re not them. Kame isn’t dealing with it properly and he’s not moving on. Ji-Akanishi is quiet because he knows if he starts talking then Kame will fade out, and that’s more frightening than any….than anything.”

            Ueda’s stress threshold is a high one, so it bothers Nakamaru when the other boy rubs the sides of his head quickly, impulsively. “That’s not it…Kame has moved on; at least I thought he had-“

            “If you’re talking about the thing with Kyon-chan…”

            “I’ve been sleeping with him.”

            Nakamaru feels the bottom of his stomach drop away as his mouth goes dry.  The words hang between them like dust and Ueda’s expression crosses from helplessness to sheer relief.

Chapter One Cont'd )

 

 

 
 

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August 2012

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