je_levy: (Be mine)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings : Kokame, Kameda, Akame…
Warnings: Besides the language and sex, this is a heavy chapter. I know the plot is taking me there, but if you’re in need of happy thoughts afterward, I’ll take responsibility. I shall post a gorgeous world-changing PV picspam as compensation for how miserable this will undoubtedly make you. I’m so sorry.
Disclaimer: Why do we need these things anyway? If I owned the rights to publish works about them, it wouldn’t be on livejournal.
Summary: The Jimusho’s plan moves ahead: Kame is a flickering shadow of what he wants to be, Jin is moving for change, Taguchi isn’t sure he wants to know what’s going on, Koki knows what he has to do, Ueda just wants to fix what he can, and Nakamaru is the one unfortunate enough to know nearly everything. “Who am I?” he says before he can stop himself and Koki’s wandering gaze rests on him, worry crinkling his brows… Their eyes meet and Koki’s are like caramel drops under the flickering streetlight, round and shining


A/N- Wednesday night counts for early this week, doesn’t it? Hm? :L Thank you for being patient, guys; please do comment though as it serves as the perfect type of encouragement esp.  as I've spent an inordinate amount of time and thought on this, so I'd be happy where con-crit is concerned. I’m tough as nails so let me know where you think improvement is necessary.




Chapter 6 Cont'd )
je_levy: (Desire)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings : Kokame, Akame, Nakanishi, but just so you know, even if the pairing is listed, it does not guarantee that it is a happy one.
Warnings: Pure self-indulgence in drama. Rating for language and sex.
Disclaimer: An aspiring writer just doesn’t have the time to own nor purchase the copyrights for an agency of boy-bands. :p
Summary: As KAT-TUN's worst kept secret now clashes with the jimusho’s big plan, each member has to take a stand for what he feels is important and to battle what may be the end of them. “He promised them all, searching KAT-TUN for solidarity and love, so that one day, years later when all was complete and perfect, he could indulge in the affection around him. As he fed it with mountains of cash, Kame could hear the company swelling with greed, a wet slithering thing grabbing him by the arms, soaking up in satisfaction, and he lay back in acceptance, knowing that one day the tables would turn. Someday he would be happy.

A/N- I just want to send a special thank you to readers who've followed up until now, and those just coming in. I truly appreciate your comments and take on this mini-rollercoaster. I will do my best to continue to offer a modicum of quality to the best of my abilities, so this read is as enjoyable as the writing process has been.




Chapter 6 )
je_levy: (Jin)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Akame, Nakanishi, Kameda, Kokame, but just so you know, even if the pairing is listed, it does not guarantee that it is a happy one.
Warnings: You’re not gonna get this much drama anywhere else, I am unashamed to admit. Also we’re going AU where Jin is still in KAT-TUN presently, there was neither a solo concert nor an Asian Tour. Also in this universe, existing entirely in my mind, the big jimusho is out for quality, not quantity thus the wicked and incomprehensible plot turn.
Disclaimer: I wonder how much anyone would pay for this trivially angst-soaked fun? Well, I wouldn’t know, would I?
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire will ride higher than necessity."He stopped trying by the end of 2008, puttering out into an awful quiet, the idol in him black, frayed and damaged."




Chapter 5 Cont'd )
je_levy: (Jin Sparkles)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Akame, Nakanishi, Kameda, Kokame, but just so you know, even if the pairing is listed, it does not guarantee that it is a happy one.
Warnings: You’re not gonna get this much drama anywhere else, I am unashamed to admit. Also we’re going AU where Jin is still in KAT-TUN presently, there was neither a solo concert nor an Asian Tour. Also in this universe, existing entirely in my mind, the big jimusho is out for quality, not quantity thus the wicked and incomprehensible plot turn.
Disclaimer: I wonder how much anyone would pay for this trivially angst-soaked fun? Well, I wouldn’t know, would I?
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire will ride higher than necessity. ” He would never really be able to define it— the particular reason— as to why all Kame had to do was take in a breath to speak for Jin to glance at him. It wasn’t anything like telepathy, but rather something all the more frightened and deep. Jin had watched videos on the internet, seen pictures in magazines, but this would be the first time he’d look the other man in the eye. Within the space of time between them, Jin had grown in perspective. He’d seen how they were not compatible, that the way it ended was entirely due to the way that they were different than in the way that they were the same. Prisoners together in something they’d willingly walked into had made them… made their alarming and childish attraction so much stronger. And now, he saw Kamenashi as he’d become and not as he’d once wished he’d be.”

A/N- OK, you’re either thinking one of two things: what the effing hell are you writing?!! Or how the effing hell would it take you six months to finish this?
I don’t know if I can answer the first question because I often get mid-chapter and ask myself the very same question, but the second one is a sight easier to explain. Truth is, I did not want to finish this chapter; point in fact, I intended to abandon the story altogether. I began it in April and was a quarter of the way through when JE jimusho sucker-punched me with the “band-split” which’ll take me forever to get over.
I’d begun writing this as a little fun therapy tool to help me learn to love each member (aside from my love for any respectable man’s ability to use glitter gorgeously) for their dispositions, talents, and minds as well as provide an experimental element of psychological healing for each of them, to put it pretentiously. I suppose you can imagine what might have happened to my view of this chapter’s protagonist and all my idealism involving him. Writing this meant getting into his head figuratively (and presumptively) and, believe me, that was the last place I wanted to be. Having finished this chapter and now planning to continue it thanks to the encouragement of all of you reading this, I still don’t know how I feel besides determined to keep fandom fun. However, I will continue in the vein I’d initially intended and hope you’re willing to stick with me just as well.





 
Chapter 5 )
je_levy: (jos-kousei?)
... and instead of doing them you whore your own ability to complete sentences for the sake of drool-worthy calendar scans and mag scanning and adding captions because captions make you giggle and KAT-TUN makes you jittery.


So a huge macro post of such gleaming crack that you may have to reassess the people you communicate with on lj and/or in the fandom in general.

Featuring Akame (pfft!lol!), Divamaru, Guchi slowly coming to understand the reason for his existence or the lack thereof, fanfic, and a super cool story by our bro, Jin.

Preview above the cut:
macro

Pls don't de-friend me over this :) )
Just wanna add that my N.M.P. arrived! Now, FILM, RIGHT NOW, and RABBIT OR WOLF? are currently raping my summer playlist. <3
je_levy: (Default)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: A mess of a whole lot of things. It's all complicated and can get really sticky.
Warnings: This is basically AU where CKT hasn't been cancelled and there never was an Asia tour and certainly no You&Jin. It takes place in a present every day setting of KAT-TUN doing this normally. Radio shows, tv shows, dramas, and whatnot.
Disclaimer: Honestly, if a lot of this shit were 100% true, KAT-TUN wouldn't be shining with so much awesome as they are now. Drama happens, but I hope never to this extent. Also, no ONE should making money off this much angst. Not even the real angst; damn you, Johnny!
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. "A knife of tension seems to streak through the room. Koki is already half out of his seat and Nakamaru begins to fiddle around in his rucksack for something, coughing convulsively. Uepi’s eyes meet Taguchi’s, and the uncertainty and horror swimming deep in there makes Junno think of mirrors and what he must look like right now."

Note: I have a renewed love for Taguchi after getting this done.


Chapter Four Cont'd )

je_levy: (D:)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: A mess of a whole lot of things. It's all complicated and can get really sticky.
Warnings: This is basically AU where CKT hasn't been cancelled and there never was an Asia tour and certainly no You&Jin. It takes place in a present every day setting of KAT-TUN doing this normally. Radio shows, tv shows, dramas, and whatnot.
Disclaimer: Honestly, if a lot of this shit were 100% true, KAT-TUN wouldn't be shining with so much awesome as they are now. Drama happens, but I hope never to this extent.
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. At present, he’s become a little sick of looking around him and seeing things that aren’t simple, seeing things that make it hard to work up an idol-like reaction.


I'm so so sorry this newest chapter took so freaking long. Taguchi is the one member I was incapable of reading naturally. I watch him and I just...don't get it. However, I took this seriously and read interviews, magazines, watched solos, CKT episodes until I could assemble a modicum of narrative that isn't character assassination. Hopefully, I didn't fail.


 

Chapter Four )

je_levy: (Default)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Akame, Nakanishi, Kokame, and so many many other KAT-TUN combinations.
Warnings: This is intense; I mean, angst like you rarely(?) see in a JE fic.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, and this fic was true, then you'd have read it sooner I'm sure. lol. No seriously, KAT-TUN isn't mine and nor am I going to get money for being a serious perv
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. 'Pain like this is something you can't erase, so we have to do what we can to make it all hurt a little less...because of who they are to us.'

 

         

Chapter Two Cont'd )

je_levy: (Woot!)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Akame, Nakanishi, Kokame, and so many many other KAT-TUN combinations.
Warnings: This is intense; I mean, angst like you rarely(?) see in a JE fic.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, and this fic was true, then you'd have read it sooner I'm sure. lol. No seriously, KAT-TUN isn't mine and nor am I going to get money for being a serious perv
Summary: In desperation, each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they're all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. 'Pain like this is something you can't erase, so we have to do what we can to make it all hurt a little less...because of who they are to us.'

Notes: I'm sure you know this, but I figure it's worth mentioning. Emojii means emoticons/smilies.    

 

Chapter Two )
je_levy: (ugh...arms)

Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: PG-13 (future R rating)
Pairing/Group: KAT-TUN member ai, Akame, Nakanishi, Kokame and several, several others
Summary: In desperation each member of KAT-TUN silently makes his effort to repair the problem they’re all afraid to talk about, but too often desire rides higher than necessity. It’s only when it’s most painful that they begin to realise how much they need one another and how foolish they were not to see it sooner.



Chapter One Cont'd ) 

                    When Maru pushes the dressing room door open, Ueda and Kame are mid-laughter with eyes fixed on, for some reason, Taguchi who has Koki by the front of the shirt. Koki has his theatrics switched on with his eyes widened and his lips trembling. There’s only the minor, usual break in conversation that comes when Akanishi wordlessly brushes past Nakamaru to flop carelessly on the sofa opposite Ueda. Kame, straddling a chair backwards, has become an expert at pretending nothing just happened. Instead he fixes a bright-eyed grin on Nakamaru.

            “Come watch what those two are rehearsing to do before the VTR screening today,” he says, getting up to walk over. “Taguchi’s supposed to make him mad, then Koki gets attacked instead.” Kame’s thin fingers wrap warmly around his arm, and Maru is forcibly reminded of how many times, five years ago, he’d sat and listened to Kame half-sob that no one talked to him anymore, that all the Johnny’s juniors their age hated him or talked behind his back. Nakamaru also couldn’t help thinking about the day two years ago he’d found Kame in a bathroom of some bar in Ginza, practically vomiting his stomach up, hiccoughing out warm words that could only have been Jin’s. Kame kept telling Maru everything with that constant refrain, “…because I trust you.”

However much the guilt strikes him, Nakamaru had come to the understanding that Kame was just the type of person you had to hide things from. He was tender in the way that he thought he was strong, and anyone who knew Kame well could see immediately when something small had needled its way inside him. The way he’d stop eating, just completely stop like he’d forgotten that he needed to. He’d invite his juniors out to dinner, his treat, but all he’d order for himself were the daiquiris and shochu in tall glasses. Then as all his guests and admirers chatted amiably around him, he’d slowly and systematically get himself drunk.

           

            The audience’s screams are as deafening as ever as they each step upstage. Nakamaru always takes extra care to brace himself before coming out here. It’s something he’s never really been able to pinpoint, but it occurs to him often that even when he’s at the age of forty, he’ll still get stagefright. Before long, Kame begins the intro, and he can settle back into ad-lib, rehearsed insults, and timed laughter.

            Akanishi bumps shoulders with him just as the applause is dying down. Nakamaru decides not to react; he isn’t too sure just yet how effectively he can communicate with Jin on camera especially when there are still some vestiges of the other man’s taste just on the inside of his bottom lip.

            “Summer is ending, isn’t it? Any new things you’ve noticed for the coming autumn?” Kame prompts, swivelling to glance quicky at Taguchi.

            “Hai!” The tallest member raises his hand swiftly. “I’ve noticed something.”

            “Hai, Taguchi, douzo.”

            Taguchi, grin wide as ever, folds his hands in front of him and looks over at Koki. “Koki, your clothing choice recently has become cute.”

             Koki’s timing is deliberately perfect as his head whips in Taguchi’s direction, withering look in place. “Hah?” he says and Nakamaru has to bite his lip to keep from smiling. It may be rehearsed, but Maru has always been weak against Koki’s brand of humour.

            “Your clothing choice…you were going for the cute pattern. It suits you na!” Maru can never tell if it’s intentional, but Taguchi’s wearing his most annoying expression.

            Koki’s once decisively enraged expression goes blank. “Arigatou,” he mutters humbly.

            Without thinking, Nakamaru bursts out. “Eh?? You won’t get angry?” Koki never did like following the show’s script even when he himself wrote it.

            They audience erupts laughing right along with Taguchi as Kame offers a smack across the back of Koki’s head. Ueda meets Maru’s eye as he shakes with chuckles, and he can feel Akanishi tug lightly on the back of his coat. These are one of their finer moments on television, and it reminds Nakamaru all too clearly why they’re all still doing this. Painful as it has become, it is these moments that are like a salve.

 

            That night, Nakamaru goes out to eat with Ueda, but such a thing has become routine for the both of them. After all, Maru likes to end his day this way, no stress or unnecessary banter; just the distant and unobtrusive aura the other man emits when he’s eating. It is more than calming, it’s healing. When Nakamaru first met Ueda, he was under the immediate impression that he’d never quite figure him out, but within that same year it seemed Ueda’s mannerisms had become engraved in his mind. Maru would never quite know what Ueda Tatsuya was about to do next, but once he’d done it, Nakamaru found he know exactly why it had been done. Such a predictable unpredictability set Maru at ease.

 It was also easy to think around Ueda since the boy was always doing that himself, sometimes breaking off his run-on, off-topic statements with a sudden frown or an abrupt laugh.

Ueda keeps his hands on his lap as he leans over his menu until his face is mere inches from the page. He’s a twenty-six year old going on twenty-seven and still stubborn enough that he won’t wear his glasses when he needs them. “Lately I’ve realised that I don’t much like mushrooms,” he murmurs.

            Nakamaru finds this, among many other titbits of information that Ueda flings out now and then, lacking in substance. He doesn’t comment as he looks over his own menu; he feels perfectly at ease doing so until he realises that he’s being looked at. Ueda’s eyes are hard as always, and that has always been significant to Maru; the way the guy is deceptively beautiful, but startlingly strong mirrored by a strictly male mindset.

            “I was beginning a conversation,” Ueda states sternly.

            “Gomen, what was it again?”

            “What I said before isn’t necessary now since we’re already talking. I actually have something to tell you. Please listen.”

             Maru is humouring this behaviour since he’s not sure if Ueda’s joking or if he really is that neurotic. He nods.

            “First…you and I both know something, and we haven’t been talking about it; something none of us has talked about since it began.”

            It is only now that a burgeoning panic rises in Maru’s middle. He folds his menu a little fretfully, thinking quickly of ways to put this conversation off. It could mean addressing so many things, all of his thoughts, feelings, and worst of all his fears. He can feel Jin’s presence in the middle of it all, like an ugly centrepiece in the middle of a room. The taste he savours in his mouth.

            “Before I didn’t care either way…Ka-they could do whatever they like because it’s their private life, and it never got in the way of anything. But let’s be honest, the breakup will always be the thing that made KAT-TUN what we are today. We’re all…I mean, you, me, Koki, and Taguchi; we’re all getting better at this, all doing our best, but lately it’s more difficult…for me.”

            Nakamaru is aware that Ueda is getting ready to start ranting, the other boy’s hands are curled on top of his menu, white swimming under his calloused knuckles. Maru leans back and folds his arms, not quite sure how to reply.

            “We…” He pauses; the words are distant from him. “We need to keep trying. If Akanishi…their situation is complicated; it’s something we don’t understand because we’re not them. Kame isn’t dealing with it properly and he’s not moving on. Ji-Akanishi is quiet because he knows if he starts talking then Kame will fade out, and that’s more frightening than any….than anything.”

            Ueda’s stress threshold is a high one, so it bothers Nakamaru when the other boy rubs the sides of his head quickly, impulsively. “That’s not it…Kame has moved on; at least I thought he had-“

            “If you’re talking about the thing with Kyon-chan…”

            “I’ve been sleeping with him.”

            Nakamaru feels the bottom of his stomach drop away as his mouth goes dry.  The words hang between them like dust and Ueda’s expression crosses from helplessness to sheer relief.

Chapter One Cont'd )

 

 

 
 
je_levy: (Default)
Title: Butterfly Inferno
Rating: PG-13 (future R rating)
Warning: AU (one in which Jin never signed with Warner or left for LA the second time), angst like mega-angst
Pairing: Akame, Nakanishi, Kokame, Kameda, 
Disclaimer: Definitely do not own...
Summary: Every member scrambles to fix what was already long threadbare.

Chapter One )

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